While at the inflatable hell that is Monkey Joe's today, I had an epiphany. I need a whistle. Monkey Joe's employs a few "referees" (read: surly looking teenagers who walk around wearing black pants and ill-fitting black and white striped shirts, cursing the economy because they couldn't get jobs at the mall or waiting tables this summer and are stuck monitoring the behavior of hyped up kids whose parents who are counting down until the glorious day when school starts, and meanwhile have completely given up on disciplining them). The only redeeming aspect of being a ref at Monkey Joe's is that they have whistles, and they get to blow them when they see wrongdoing. And...it works. The children stop their shenanigans, at least for a moment, when they hear the trill of the whistle. I need one. I plan on blowing it not just at FOO, but at everyone who needs to hear it. Catty neighbors. Drivers who don't know how to use a four-way stop. My dog who keeps running away and puking on my rugs even though there are wide open areas of unadorned hardwoods in my house (not at the same time). People who let their much older child push my child down on purpose today at Monkey Joe's (I actually just yelled at the kid right in front of his mother while he smirked at me, but it would have been much more effective with a whistle). People who talk in movies. Those who can not conjugate verbs properly and/or who use racial slurs (sometimes they are the same people). People who constantly one up anyone with whom they happen to be talking. "Friends" who say ugly things behind the backs of other "friends" on a regular basis. Those who are habitually late. Other people's husbands who hit on me and/or other women. People who are much braver behind the computer screen than they are in person (Not me. I will yell at your bratastic kid right in front of you). Crappy customer service providers. People who write checks at the grocery store. Oh, dear. It appears I am going to need some earplugs so I don't damage my hearing. I could go on and on. And on.

If I am going to do it, I am going to do it right. Check out this baby:

. Or this one, which I found in loranscruggs's shop on etsy. Love it!